Lost Souls

Earlier today, as I'm driving down Beverly Blvd and stop at a redlight - on the corner, directly beside me is a cozy little coffee house. There is, what looks like, a fairly large blood stain on the sidewalk - right beside a plastic milkcrate with a few filthy items inside, and a dirty shirt or small jacket bunched up beside it. My heart beat faster - I admit that I panicked at the thought of what might have befallen that person. My eyes filled with tears - of anger, and sadness. What happened? Where is the owner of this stuff? Is he, or she, one of the millions of those who are forgotten - as if they never walked the earth - never breathed the same air as us - never mattered? What brought them to this point? I wondered what it would be like to walk a mile in their shoes....
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It's cold out here in the dark
Voices all around me,
in my head, in the air.
I can't think clearly - is this real?

I need a drink,
to make the voices stop;
to get some sleep.

This looks like a good place to rest;
among the scraps of other people's lives,
the hard cement under me,
no blanket, no pillow - no safety.

Will I die tonight?
Will a pack of ignorant teens
with a wad of money in their pocket
and cruising in "Daddy's car" find their entertainment in beating me?

Will I die tonight?
Will the temperature drop so low
that my heart slows
and I can no longer move?

Will I die tonight?
Will my spirit break beyond repair
so I lack the courage
to face another empty day?

Will I die tonight....
and will anyone remember me?

I was once an athlete,
a scholar,
an honor graduate.

I was once a friend,
a lover,
a child.

I had a future.
I had dreams.
I had love
- but it is all lost now.

Now I have conversations
with myself,
and people cross the street
to avoid me.

Now I smell of urine
and filth;
I cannot control
the simplest functions.

Now I am alone.
Now I am forgotten.
To you I do not matter.

Do not think ill of me,
this is not who I chose to be;
this is not how I saw my life;
this is not my heart.

Please look beyond the surface;
see ME,
not this haggard body and mind.
Don't let me fade to nothing.

Please remember me.....

(For Reed - I love you, brother! I thank God that you have an amazing family that cares for you, so you will never be "forgotten".)

Producing...

"Producing something - coming up with an idea, developing the plan, solving the problems - is the source of true Joie de Vivre and achievment. No one ever won a medal for being in the audience..." (Unknown)

Folks...

"I think there's just one kind of folks. Folks."
- Harper Lee

We just watched "To Kill a Mockingbird" - a film, starring Gregory Peck, based on the Harper Lee novel of the same name. I'm not sure how I made it out of Honors English in High School, or through my college Literature courses without ever reading this gem of a book (OK, I still haven't actually read the book yet, but I'll be picking it up at the library during lunch one day this week). I watched the "making of" bonus feature on the DVD, and reportedly this adaptation is really true to the original work, so I can't wait to pick it up.
Certainly, I knew about the book - but by title only; I never knew what the story was about. I knew it was a classic that should be read - if not for enjoyment, then to "broaden my horizons" on popular literature. Well, time and a million other things kept me "putting it off". I had no idea that it was like taking a slice of life from a small Southern town, and putting it under a microscope for a brief time. The film is based in the 1930's, in a small Alabama town (Maycomb), which is not unlike Monroeville, Alabama where Ms. Lee grew up - and not unlike Palatka, Florida, the small Southern town in North Florida where I grew up.
As I watched Scout, a young Southern tomboy/girl (the lead character), I couldn't help but think of how much her, and her brother's daily activities were the same as things that my brother and I did. I couldn't believe that things wouldn't have changed very much from the 1930's South, to the 1970's South. I remember going to my Grandmother's house and playing in the canal, climbing huge oak trees, swinging and rolling across the yard in old tractor tires, or running through the potato & cabbage fields - while our parents & grandparents, aunts & uncles, and my grandparent's neighbors enjoyed cold iced tea and games of cards, or just sitting on the front porch talking. My grandparents lived on a farm, and there was always adventure to be found when we went to visit.
Much like Calpurnia took care of Scout and Jem, we had a lady that took care of us during the day while my parents were at work. Her name was Ruth, and she was the most wonderful lady that I have ever had the honor to know! She practically raised me (she took care of me from about 6 months old through 10th grade). She was always there for me to ask questions of, with a hug when I was sad or had scraped my knee, and with discipline when my attitude needed a little adjusting. She taught me a great deal about wrong and right, and how to be a good person. I credit a lot of who I am today to her (not to take anything away from my parents, but to supplement the things that they taught me). Ruth was all about unconditional love - something that is missing from so many people today. I hope that she is watching over me, and that I'm not disappointing her
too much...
Racial prejudice was just as prevalent in the 1970's as it was in the 1930's in a small Southern town. It never really touched our house - at least not that I was aware of as a child - but it existed in the town. I never really understood that - aren't we all human beings? Why did it matter who your friends were or who you played with at the park? I guess that I've always been inclined to like a person for who they are as a human being, not for the color of their skin, their religious upbringing, or their level of education -- it doesn't matter how "well connected" a person is, what matters is who they are on the inside. Are you nice? Are you genuine? OK, you can stay and "play".
It was interesting to find out that the "Dill" Harris character from the book/movie was based on Truman Capote as a child (he and Harper Lee were childhood friends, and remained close thereafter). There was also a real life case of the "Scottsboro Boys" that happened when Harper was a little girl that influenced her "Tom Robinson" case. (Thankfully, nothing like the "Tom Robinson" trial from the movie ever touched my hometown. Things were actually pretty quiet.) So much of Harper is in this novel and the character of Scout, and in so many ways it was like looking through a magic mirror to my own childhood.
The movie is a little slow to start, but that is exactly how it should be - a slow summer afternoon, sitting on the front porch and sipping a tall glass of iced tea; taking in the world around you, seeking a little adventure, (hopefully) making the right choices and being a good person....

"A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song."
-Maya Angelou

Desideratum

"Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead." --Louisa May Alcott (1832-1888)

Life is about to get really interesting, with a lot of hoops to jump through and hurdles to cross. We are taking on a huge challenge and testing our "5-year plan" to it's limits; stepping completely out of our comfort zones on so many levels and putting some pretty intimidating plans into action. From time to time, I'm sure that I'll rant about frustrations - but I'm also looking forward to posting progress reports and stuff for general feedback (even though there are probably only 3 people who actually read this....)

In the meantime, enjoy the quote from Louisa May Alcott - one of my favorite authors. It's amazing how just a few words can lift your heart & spirit, and give such a feeling of hope & endless possibilities!

Black Dahlia

Wow! Just finished watching the trailer for "The Black Dahlia" (check out the link, but be patient - it may take a while for the trailer to load):

• The Black Dahlia

....it looks pretty friggin' good!

Based on the trailer, it feels a lot like "Mulholland Drive" meets "L.A. Confidential" - dark, edgy, on the fringes of (old) Hollywood, and centered around a tragedy that causes controversy within the police department's investigator, and political, ranks.
"The Black Dahlia" is based on actual events that took place in California in 1947 -- the gruesome murder of Elizabeth Short.
Some described Elizabeth as "the girl next door"; a beautiful young girl from back East that came to Hollywood because she wanted to be a "star". Others would describe her as "a confused chick who ran with a bad crowd", or "a driven girl, but afraid of running into herself". She was last seen alive at the Biltmore Hotel (still a beautiful hotel located in downtown Los Angeles - 506 South Grand Ave) - which she left with a gentleman. Her body was later found (I'll leave the gruesome details for the movie...) in the Crenshaw District (in a vacant lot at the intersection of 39th and Norton), near Hollywood, on January 15th.
The case was front page news every day for almost 2 months - the coverage was intense; the public's interest insatiable.
The case has never been solved. There have been more than 50 bogus confessions where mentally ill people, or people with ulterior motives, have claimed to be, or know, the killer -- all have been proven false. There is a 5-drawer file cabinet, plus indexed files and over 5,000 pages of documents related to the case locked away in the LAPD Homicide Division in downtown Los Angeles. The case is still open, and looks to remain that way for an inestimable amount of time. Although there have been times where a deceased person has been named as a killer in such a case, the odds of this case ever being closed seem very low.
So who did kill Elizabeth Short? I'm sure that the movie will have some interesting theories of its own to add to the mix.

On the "industry side" - the film is directed by Brian DePalma (Carrie, Dressed to Kill, Scarface, Wise Guys, The Untouchables, .....and other greats). The screenplay was written by Josh Friedman (he also wrote "War of the Worlds", but I won't hold that one against him - I'm willing to bet that his script was much better than the final product!). Josh is really good friends with John August (someone that Rock brought to my attention) and that's good enough for me! Check out Josh's blog at http://hucksblog.blogspot.com/ -- it is definitely worth a read. -- And check out "The Black Dahlia" movie (starring Josh Hartnett, Aaron Eckhart, Scarlett Johansson, Hilary Swank, and Mia Kirshner as the ill fated Elizabeth) when it opens in theaters on September 15th!

Lessons Learned

"...I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what's going to happen next. -Gilda Radner (1946-1989)

Art & Passion

Man, I LOVE artists! I love being surrounded by them every minute of every day! I work with some of the most talented artists in the world at my job; my husband is an artist; a lot of my friends are artists - I wish that I was an artist! (I can manipulate things in Photoshop, but I can't create an original piece of art -- I couldn't draw a straight line out of a paper bag to save my life!). But really, the word "artist" covers more than just illustration, animation, graphic design, etc. - being an artist means having a vision, and doing everything that you possibly can to bring that vision into reality. (OK, maybe I could be considered an "artist" then).
Artists get me REALLY excited! (OK horn-dogs, that isn't what I mean!). There is such a great energy in the artistic community; such quirkiness; so much passion and so many eclectic views -- there is never a lack of stuff to talk about. That's part of the reason I chose this industry to work in. I'm way too funky and creative to put on a suit everyday and navigate the waters of "corporate America" - I'll take the shark infested waters of the trenches of the entertainment industry, thanks! Seriously - at the end of the day, even if it has been a really crappy day, I'm happy to have worked with the crews and on the projects that I'm working on. At the end of the day, it is the people and the experience that make you want to come back and do it all over again. At the end of the day, it is the creative process - the hope of something truly original and amazing - that makes the mundane stuff worthwhile!
I am humbled and honored to know (99.8% of) the amazing artists that I have worked with over the past 13 years in this industry. I have worked in Publicity, Television (both live action and animation), and Feature Films (both live action and animation). I've worked with some real jerkwads (don't get me started) on some fantastic projects, and some WONDERFUL people on some not so great projects, and a variety of other combinations inbetween. I'll always go for the experience being wonderful - at the end of the day, that's what is going to keep you going.

"I don't want life to imitate art. I want life to be art!" -Carrie Fisher

"Art is one thing that can go on mattering once it has stopped hurting" - Elizabeth Bowen (1899-1973)

The Soapbox -

People never cease to amaze me! Sometimes in a good way, but generally not.

Why are people given promotions to really high positions when they are totally inadequate in their jobs. Then those same people treat their crew/team like total shit - demeaning, degrading, insulting - condescension oozing from every pore until the air is thick with it. Their method of leadership is "false power by intimidation". They nearly cost some people their careers, others their self esteem - for some, it is both. NO ONE likes working with them, and would rather quit the company than get stuck working on their project. ...and yet, they are STILL there! Why?!

Why do people promise to do things that they know they aren't going to follow through with? "I'll (insert verb: call, write, help, take care of that for, see...) you soon." Really? Don't say it if you don't mean it. I HATE uncomfortable situations!!!! There are so many false people out there....

...and a lot of those false people are co-workers trying to climb their way to the top on the backs of the good people. So many co-workers just keep screwing each other over, manipulating situations to make themselves look better by taking the credit for something that they know they didn't do, and generally pulling each other back down - just like crabs in a bucket! Why? Why can't people be secure enough with themselves to celebrate one another's successes, and to help pick up the pieces after a failure? Why do people have to talk shit about someone that gets a good break, and revel in another's sadness over a mistake? Is it worth it?

I was at a party at a friend's house recently, and there was a conversation going on about various artists in this medium or that one. There was a lot of hero worship going on for some not so nice people - not just loving the art, but thinking that the creator was some icon of "wonderful human being" simply because they created the enviable art. Guys, worship the art, not the person - get to know the person first and then make up your mind.

If you are going to give someone a present to say "Thank you", it shouldn't have strings attached. I've known a person that got their boss to give presents to some of the staff that might not get as much appreciation & credit as they truly deserve. "What's wrong with that?" you ask. The whole motivation behind giving the gifts was NOT to say "I appreciate you", it was to butter the underappreciated staff up in case the boss/assistant might need a favor from them someday - that day came about 1 week later. "Boy, I'm sure glad that we gave (insert name) that gift last week; it really paid off when I had to call in a favor today!" (C-U-Next-Tuesday!)

Only genuine people, please!

Why do people feel the need to drive RIGHT on the bumper of the car ahead of them, and then get really pissed when they have to slam on breaks to avoid hitting them. Then they throw a hissy-fit, yell & scream, and honk their f'ing horns like the person in front of them did something wrong, simply because they slowed down for the young mother that is just finishing crossing the street, pushing her infant in front of her in a stroller?! Get over yourselves - try enjoying the drive for once!

Why do people no longer feel it is proper courtesy to say "Please" and "Thank you"? I have been appalled at the lack of kindness in so many people today! And it isn't just young kids - there are plenty of old jackassses out there that SHOULD have been raised better based on their era. Would it really hurt you to give the checkout girl/guy, the cashier, the waiter/waitress, etc. a smile, a nice greeting, and to thank them for helping you with your task? God forbid you pay them a compliment! What is it with so many people today? Is everyone just bitter, angry, depressed? What's the point - being mean to someone else isn't going to make your day any better - and will probably make it worse. I guess there are some people that revel in that crap - please go see a psychiatrist! I remember reading somewhere that "You can tell someone's true character by the way they treat their waiter/waitress". It is SO true!

..."Bitter - Party of 1"...

OK, OK - there are some great people in this world too. I'll do a rebuttal to this one, I swear. I'm just really irritated right now!

Restraint

If nothing good can come from
1. a conversation
2. a meeting
3. an interview
4. a confrontation
then don't have it!
-Linda Obst

...good advice that I should probably follow more often!

Bits & Pieces

I'm reading (and re-reading) a plethora of things right now - it's hard to not get everything jumbled in my head sometimes! Currently perusing: "Making Movies" by Sidney Lumet - what an amazing book! This is the 3rd time that I will have read through it, and I pick up something new every time. "Film school in a book" is a pretty accurate description. It is a great refresher! (Thanks, Rock, for originally recommending it!) -- "Life Magic" by Susan Bowes - "The power behind "life magic" ...rests in its celebration of all that enriches life, with an emphasis on the importance of connections and relationships..." What a great little book that makes you think and discuss; "Hello, He Lied and other Truths from the Hollywood Trenches" by Linda Obst (Producer) - she has seen and done so much. This is a great book for an aspiring producer - stripping away the "rose-colored glasses" and presenting some of the real and challenging people & situations that might be encountered in this crazy industry; Cinefex 104 (King Kong/Chronicles of Narnia/Corpse Bride) - 3 fantastic movies that we can all learn so much from! I really admire everything that Peter Jackson has done (although I believe that he did some things with the "Lord of the Rings" films because he COULD, not because he SHOULD!) I would give my left arm to work directly with him and Richard Taylor! I fell in love with the ape Kong when I was a little girl, and my adoration has not diminished! This Kong is beautiful! His mannerisms are spot on for a silver-back gorilla, his transformation/humanity is so easily seen in his eyes & face, his "acting" (done by Andy Serkis with mo-cap and transformed to what we see on screen by the animators) is some of the best work that I have EVER seen! WOW - this film took my breath away! -- "...Narnia" was great - I loved it and so did my kids! I love seeing Kiran (one of the little people used in "Lord of the Rings" as a double for the hobbits) in a "face role". Even so, there were a few moments where I was taken out of the movie by the costumed characters in the battle. -- "Corpse Bride" was as quirky as ever a Tim Burton film has been. I loved the visuals (sets, character designs, etc.) even though I didn't quite connect with a few of the scenes (the bar song distracted -- and WHY could the main characters not easily return to the surface early in the film, and then later they seemed to have carte blanche? I prefer "Nightmare Before Christmas" - but still really liked "...Bride"

Be Persistant!

Quote for the day: "Press on. Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unrewarded talent. Education alone will not; the world is full of educated failures. Persistence alone is omnipotent.

-Calvin Coolidge

Adventure Awaits...

Wow - Chinese proverbs are groovy! The year I was born was the year of the monkey, and the main thing that sticks with me from the description of "Monkey" is: "Monkey needs change". -- I tend to not be settled for long with any routine. I love adventure and trying new things. Life is WAY too short to be sealed in a box - it is for living, and loving, and exploring! There is so much out there to experience; there is no way that life should be allowed to pass by while leaving us as mere spectators.
So, what will this blog site end up being for me? I'm not sure -- I'm going to figure it out as I go along. I hope it is an interesting journey! For me personally, nothing is worth doing if it doesn't push some boundaries, break some rules, and challenge me creatively. I've been told that I'm WAY too passionate about things - but I take that as a compliment. I've been told that my language is a bit too "graphic" - well, it is what it is; I don't apologize for it (usually) since it is a part of who I am. Passion makes us more intersting, and I agree that I have more passion about the things and people that interest me than I probably should - but I wouldn't change that for anything in the world!
-- Here's to a lifetime of fun and adventure; I hope that you'll join me for the ride!!!

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all. Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature. -Helen Keller (1880-1968)